why me lord(s)?

i'd like to offer a full and sincere apology to whichever one or combination of the nine divines i have offended, and if you would just tell me what i have done to offend you or what i can do to make amends i will do so, but please stop ambushing me with baddies whenever i pop out of hyper-space (if i may mix a few genres without further offense).

dragons appearing out of nowhere i can understand: if you don't do your part to keep the numbers down you're bound to start running into them everywhere (not unlike deer in modern times). but draugr, spiders, bandits and wolves (lions and tigers and bears...) appearing inside of city gates is a bit much.

fortunately the citizens and guards are quick to join any fight, so the numbers are usually manageable, but i've wet myself twice already, once with a tipped can of beer and once when i was overdue for a bathroom break; so if it's not too much trouble, have the courier service deliver a plainly worded letter detailing what pennance or sacrifice i need to make

your obedient servant,

El Ka'Bong, Dragonslayer and Poncey Milk-drinker
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A word of advice: don't buy discounted armor

now the guards are playing "whack a milk-drinker:" fast-travelled to whiterun after retrieving the sap for danica and the guards tried to give me the old steel shampoo. wouldn't stop even though i had no weapons drawn.

fortunately one of the companions came running to the sound of steel on steel, no doubt hoping to get a few licks in, and offered me a quest instead, which caused the guards to cease

can't we all just get along?
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A word of advice: don't buy discounted armor