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• 23Apr 10

  Take a look at this...

  For those of you not as familiar with me, I have been working on an extensive writing project for several years. I posted the first rough idea draft of Elementura 1 up on the forums a while back... The following is how I wrote in the introduction of one of the key characters, Hunter.

  Vega sneered at her and lunged at them with fists of fire, swinging wildly at Jace and Draca who did all they could to avoid until Jace, under pressure, swung the sword in his right hand right into Vega's arm. It made a clank, but then reflected right off of his skin.

  "One of you! Haha! That's a good one. Why would I want to be a stupid chimera or some fake-human elementura! Gimme a break!" Vega's yellow fire turned into a bright sword and he slashed at Draca, who thought she was a goner until out of the sky, a burst of lightning broke the sword and shocked Vega, who immediately fell over.

  Draca looked behind her and saw a boy her age pointing his finger down at the ground. He was directing the electricity. He had messy blond hair and green eyes. His teeth, his eyes, everything about him resembled an animal even his stance. Jace took this opprotunity to wildly spin, swinging both swords fiercly into Vega, who didn't even flinch as he got up.

  "Hey you two!" the boy yelled, "Only amateurs fight like you two. Run away and lemme handle this."

  Jace was thrown back into the grass by Vega, but he got back up and assumed a battle stance. Draca too prepared herself, looking as threatening as possible, even though she knew this man couldn't be beaten.

  "Sorry, we're not running away from this freak!" Draca replied.

  "Yeah, thanks for the save, but we're not cowards!" Jace added.

  "Fine, I guess I should help you then," the slim boy said walking up next to them, keeping his animal eyes focused on Vega. He stamped his right foot on the ground which immediately crumbled upon impact. He was wearing heavy metal boots that began snapping with electricity. "The name's Hunter! I'll be your savior today."

  Draca laughed, and Jace still readied his swords.

  "Oh," Hunter noticed, "kid, you, with the swords. Use your elements. Don't want to be mistaken for a filthy human right?"

  That was about a year and a half ago. Now take a look at this, a new draft of the same book, rewriting the intro for this character. The following isn't his intro, but it's a part of his intro chapter:

  "We get the crowd excited!" he claimed as they met yet again. "Besides, that's the point. Get them to watch us while I think of a way to get us out of here!" Jace was dumbstruck at Hunter's logic. The mere thought of ever having to take advice or strategy from the performer again was out of the question, and downright vexing. Still, the plan did accomplish what it set out to, the natural sins of sapience and intoxicating rays of the neon lights kept the people for intervening. The rays also kept Jace In the moment. He was excited, he was nervous, he was anxious, but most of all he was having fun. Sharing this moment with someone, deceiving an entire crowd of people to think of away to escape using a plan that had extremely flawed logic, it was fun! Jace grinned as the two continued their duel, neither one swaying from fatigue or fear, and neither one losing sight of the neon lights that kept them caught in the moment.

  Without warning, a crackle of electricity erupted from Hunter's feet, both of which were now planted firmly on the ground. They spit in every which direction, lashing out at the throngs of people gazing stupidly at Hunter's finale. The finale, however, was cut short as firm hands grabbed each of the boys by the ears. Darkness sprung out from around them, and Jace knew as he descended into darkness that Draco had caught on.

  It was odd though, as Hunter struggled, he noticed that it was not Draco who held him so firmly, but the man wearing the coat. His light, dew sprinkled hair gave off the essence of the forest within it, and his person smelled of pine trees—a smell Hunter was all too familiar with.

  "Cut it out, you know better than that," the man said, and with those words he shoved Hunter out of the darkness before breaching its walls and escaping himself.

  Meanwhile, Draco shoved Jace into the center of the dark zone, standing above him in an interrogative position.

  "You idiot, fighting elementura out here when you can't even control an element yourself, what's gotten into you?" he scolded like a father, surprising Jace.

  "Sir, I barely know…"

  "Can it," Draco barked, he pushed his amber hair out of his eyes. "Next time, if you're going to take my daughter away, at least have the common decency to inform me. It spares me the trouble of going off to make sure that she's safe."

  The darkness wisped away, leaving a perplexed Jace to stare at the commanding figure that sauntered away into the night. The neon lights that had been apart of his night, the fight with Hunter, disappeared and Jace accepted that young hand that boosted him up. It was with this acceptance of a hand that he accepted the task at hand would be an arduous one, and that he could not do it alone.

  The fated trio smiled as they quickly left the city of the neon lights. Jace didn't know if his childish desire to return would be sated, but he knew the long path to his dreams and destiny would not be fulfilled if he returned.

  He vowed to forgive them. Hunter and Tamara. The two were completely knew concepts for him, but he knew that they would offer an experience like none other. They didn't have the letter, but that didn't matter as long as they got to the temple first. His days as a wanderer nearing an end, Jace strode the land with two friends and a renewed purpose.

  What do you all think? A good improvement?

  • Posted Apr 23, 2010 2:19 pm GMT
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• 4Feb 10

  Ideas...

  Well, I deleted my story off of GS, thankfully it's still on my computer. My reasoning behind this is because I still want to refine it. By having an audience on GS, it motivated me to work out the problem I have most with writing: starting it. Yes, finishing it is a problem too, but I have a long time to write this.

  I'm still trying to tinker with the idea of how to impliment the past into the story without having tons of droning dialogue about it. There are enough villains in the series to have tons of action! I also realized how few elementura the story has. There are tons of gifted, the supposed rare elementura, but very little normal ones. To rectify this, I started with the villains, matching elements to their image and personality.

  White Raven Society:
  Sol - Light
  Ares- Time
  Colt - Space
  Shiva - Gifted
  Kitt - Dark
  Riddle - Earth
  Vent - Wind
  Noel - Plant
  Reynold - Water
  Sam - Human
  Vincent - Time
  Ubacano - Fire
  Darius - Fire
  Rosa - Thunder

  The White Raven Society is a group based loosely off of Akatsuki (from Naruto) made up of criminals throughout the world. Their leader is Sol who has mysterious motives the drive mysterious actions. They begin the series searching for the second Lotus Sword. Normally hunting in small groups, it takes the full Order of Grant to drive them off in their concentrated efforts. Later, it becomes revealed that they have political power in the far off Blues Nation and eventually they take over the country. It is revealed by Sol that they are waiting, "for the 30th painful year to be over" so they can initiate their master plans. In preparation they seem to be gathering money and forces while waging a bloody war against the East.
  This is compared to before when half of them had no element. This is in comparison to the Order of Grant, the protagonist group.
  
  Order of Grant:
  Space Hero
  Time Hero
  Jace - Human
  Tamara - Sage of Light and Dark
  Hunter - Thunder
  Serenade - Metal
  Luna - Metal
  Mu Lee - Earth
  Drake - Wind
  Teddy - Water
  Amber and Ash - Fire
  Claus - Plant
  Vulcan - Human
  Jessica - Human
  Remus - Dark
  Gentleman Jack - Water

  The Order of Grant is a mercenary organization that, at the beginning of the series, is composed of four members. As Jace travels in search of his dreams he befriends Hunter and Tamara, bringing them into the society. After being enlisted to find the Lotus Sword, the trio meet Mu Lee who is a monk assigned to watch it in an area with heavy reconstruction activity. Consenting to let them take it, Mu Lee does not know who wants the sword, and the four run into a trap set by two White Raven members. This is when the enigmatic Serenade intervenes along with Vulcan and Remus (two of the original four). The group travels back to the Order Outpost in Rosefire and decides to go to the Fog Wind Nation to speak with the Chimera Kings. Here they meet Teddy Shui and Drake Feng. The group, under the idea that they should contact Jeremiah Lockeheart about safeguarding the sword, makes a stop at their outpost quickly with the help of an Eastern Ambassador named Jessica. At the outpost they discover one of the fire twins and head East to find the other.

  Anyway, to those who actually read it, I hope you enjoyed that little taste of what I had to offer. It needed refining so I decided to take it off. Perhaps I'll try it again sometime.

  • Posted Feb 4, 2010 9:16 pm GMT
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• 7Aug 09

  I had been hoping not to post this, but I got owned in Nintendo Dream Risk

  After months of evading the Risk Police I have been caught, and must admit my fanboyishness in thinking that a mediocre shooter like The Conduit could possibly score AA on Gamespot. To be quite honest, it doesn't do much that other shooters have already done. Medal of Honor Heroes 2 got an 8 on this site and had all the same features. Amazing controls and robust online. Unfortunately, The Conduit is too generic to have scored anymore. Lame level design and an average online experience shot the game down from greatness, meaning not even good Wii controls could save it. Shame too, but I've realized my mistake. I got owned on Nintendo Dream Risk.

  • Posted Aug 7, 2009 12:49 pm GMT
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