Anyway You Want It

I figured I should kill some time in between the thread hijacking, and yes it will continue. Anyway Hurricane Sandy c-word still continues to be a thorn in my backside. The hurricane has made it difficult for gas stations to actually get any gas, which meas that quarter tank left in my car has to last for a lot longer than I usually let a quarter tank last.

It played a huge role in me not going out last night and partying. We to deny me fun Hurricane Sandy. Stupid whore.

Anyway I feel like picking on Assassin's Creed 3.

ASSASSINS CREED 3





The slow ass start is strike 1. It's a god damn chore when the game starts. The entire opening 4 to 5 sequences come off as prologue. If I pretended to take videogame stories seriously that would be bad story telling as far as I'm concerned that you waste so much time on set up. As a game? It's a giant tutorial fest early, and then a bunch of messing around before the game gets into a real groove. I do not like waiting to have fun.

Some of you reading that will react with "well it's just champ being champ on the whole not waiting for something to be fun thing". Others are asking why still. For those of you I will bring you to simple champ rule. I do not wait for a videogame to be fun. I should not have to wait for a videogame to be fun. Why?

Because it's like if you paid a prostitute to suck your d1ck, and instead of doing that she just went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about her life story. And you proceed to actually listen. When you should be going "Yo b1tch, what the f*ck? My d1ck, your mouth, lets go!"

The UNDERACHIEVING

Anyway right now the other real issue here is that it's so much of another f*cking Assassin's Creed game. Excluding the naval battles it is every bit a similar experience to what you've done in AC2. And the question I have is why is this acceptable?

Because it be one thing if they were retreading excellent game design, but AC's been underachieving since the original game.

Combat: Still the same combat that is fluid/cinematic/flash, but not exactly engaging. Enemies are still pretty stupid and offer no challenge, the feedback on melee strikes is lacking and borderline feathery, entire encounters can be handled by just waiting, countering, and just simply mashing the x button. The thing is the Batman Arkham games have shown how this type of battle system can be taken to the next level. Batman's game rewards players who try to stay in rhythm with the combat and with a far more satisfying feedback. AC? Not so much, it just gives you typical videogame badassery, without the satisfaction though.

Stealth: It's called Assassin's Creed. Assassin. As in you should be sneaky while killing your targets just a little bit. Yet stealth has always taken a major backseat in the series. Sure blending in crowds has been cool, but it's the one element of stealth that actually works. Other moments are entirely ruined because of the way the series handles the AI. On roof tops it's impossible to sneak up behind the enemy, their patrol patterns are far too simple, and more often than night the better option is just running in and attacking your target head on. After games like Dishonored, AC's assassination gameplay just seems so behind the curve.

Mission Design: The original AC is blamed for being repetitive, but the thing is all the games are repetitive. They all have a very basic routine of go here, get your mission, go there, kill dude, escape. In between those are intel missions. The thing AC2 did was make it less tedious, and add more to the intel missions behind the standard 3 types of intel hunts(beat up guy, eaves drop, etc). The thing that always happens is that by the midway point of the game you figure out hey the game ran out of ideas.

Again this is not to say AC3 has been bad. The parkour is still good, the change in scenery adds something I guess, the visuals are nice, and at the end of the day the Assassin's Creed games are fun. In this case fun when the game stops d1cking around.

But it's unapologetically an Assassin's Creed game in every way. All it's draw backs that have existed since game 1 are still there. Some additions/alterations have mitigated the battle system, but it's still an unsatisfying cake walk. It's a franchise that continues to settle for less. When the promise and potential behind the series asks for something truly excellent.

Oh well I have to get to work and figure out how long I'm gonna have to go with little gas.

Otherwise enjoy the Jennifer Love Huget1ts gifs.